It’s a strange feeling when someone who’s never walked your path tells you to “be grateful.” The intention might be good, but those words can hit in a way that makes things feel worse. It can feel like they're suggesting that gratitude will somehow erase the pain, frustration, or grief you're experiencing. I get it – people want to offer comfort, and gratitude is often their go-to. But when you're going through something they haven’t lived, being told how to feel is anything but helpful.

Gratitude is powerful, and I’m not saying it doesn’t have its place. Many of us practice it daily because it helps us stay grounded in the middle of hardship. But it doesn’t take away the reality of the struggle. You can be grateful and still have moments of pain. One doesn’t cancel out the other.

I don’t want to seem inconsiderate or ungrateful to those who are trying to help, but it’s important to understand that not every situation calls for advice on how to feel. Sometimes, the best thing someone can do is acknowledge the complexity of what you're going through. Not every hard moment needs a silver lining right away.

It’s worth encouraging people to pause before offering sentiments like “be grateful.” Instead of suggesting how to feel, a better approach might be, “I’m here for you” or “I can’t imagine what this is like for you.” Giving someone space to experience their emotions without pressure to reframe them is one of the most valuable forms of support. Sometimes, just being present is enough.

Maybe my next article will be how to let people know their attempts at helping don't feel helpful.