Scott Engstrom’s Story:

Scott Engstrom was dating Jamie when she was diagnosed with cancer. His is a cancer survivor story from the boyfriend, fiance and finally husbands perspective. A beautiful and honest sharing of what it was like for him as he walked the cancer journey with his wife, Jamie.

The biggest challenge

I think the biggest challenge for me was trying to be supportive and positive for Jamie, while at the same time being sensitive to her feelings and understanding that she was just going to have bad days.

Eventually, I came to understand that it was hard for her. When I would constantly remind her that I was there to help her, and that I loved her, that was hard too. Some days, I needed to just let her feel bad because it was a manner of coping.

Allowing her to feel what she was feeling was helpful for me too. That is to say, it was hard on both of us when I tried constantly being positive in the face of her cancer. I found myself getting worn out. Allowing myself to feel those negative feelings from time to time helped me address them. Addressing them ultimately gave me a more positive outlook.

Ignoring the negative was tiresome where working through the negativity gave me a sense of accomplishment.

The uncertainty of diagnosis . . .

Another hard part was the uncertainty at the diagnosis stage.

First, they weren’t sure whether it was cancer or not. Then, when they knew it was cancer, they weren’t sure what stage. After that, they weren’t sure what treatment was the best. Next, they thought it was just going to just be surgery. In the end, it was surgery, and follow up radiation and chemo. Of course, the progression wasn’t laid out for us so we could process it quickly.

It was hard watching the toll it took on Jamie . . .

The uncertainty was hard for me personally. But it was hard watching the toll it took on Jamie.

Sometimes I would wake up and she would be in the living room, rocking in a recliner. There were times when she was too drained or fearful to speak. In contrast, there were times when words were spouting like water from a faucet. And then there was the crying.

The breakdowns we had in the middle of the night . . .

It was those times that I felt it important to remind her that I loved her. Additionally, I would remind her that I was there to support her and that I wasn’t going anywhere. And neither was she.

I think those breakdowns we would have together in the middle of the night forged the strength that our relationship carries to this day. A monster had crept out from under our bed and we mounted a full defense, relying on one another to keep it at bay until finally beating it into submission.

We sleep with one eye open . . .

Now that Jamie is healthy again, it still feels like we sleep with one eye open. We try to live our lives as fully and normally as possible. On the other hand, any sense of normalcy is a “new normal.” It is not what was typical before the diagnosis.

We celebrate in the fall . . .

In springtime, we tend to get nervous because that is when Jamie was diagnosed.

Likewise, that is when she has follow-up appointments.

We celebrate in the fall. In the span of a month, Jamie finished her treatment, we closed on a new house, and got engaged.

Because of Jamie’s cancer journey I sometimes still find myself angry, hurt, and scared.

But what I try to remind myself is that I feel those things because of the profound impact she has had on me. And those feelings are a result of how much I love and care for her.

Scott Engstrom
Attorney

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